Monday, March 21, 2011

They Say The First Year Is The Hardest ...

Well, I can with all honesty say that it's been the hardest year ever for me.

Losing mama.

It sort of hit me hard today while I was visiting my daddy. I walked in the kitchen that I grew up in. My mama's kitchen. Today was one year ago that my mama had her last meal, and it was cooked by me, in her kitchen. She called me that morning and asked us to come over, and wanted me to make tacos. Mama loved tacos as much as Stephen does. I'm so glad I was able to do that for her.

I could tell that mama was in a lot of pain that day. Her back was hurting her and she kept asking me to rub it for her. We didn't know that her liver was enlarged from the cancer that was going to take her life in only a few more days. Even though she was in a lot of discomfort, she mustered up the strength to wash the dishes and put them away before I had gotten back down stairs from taking Stephen to the bathroom. I hope I can be as tough as my mama was. No pain meds at all in the last stage of cancer. Not even a Tylenol. God love her, she wouldn't take them because they can cause liver damage. She had nothing for pain until a few hours before she died in the hospital on the following Wednesday.

I'll never forget those few hours I had alone with mama before the Lord took her home. I'll never forget the spiritual experience we shared before her spirit left her body. Some day I'll write about that experience. A whole year later and I still can't put it into words.

When I entered this world, it was only she and I and a medical staff. When she exited this world, it was only she and I and a medical staff. I will be changed forever because of the last moments we had together. I'm so thankful that she and I worked through our differences. We went through a couple of times over the last 24 years that we didn't speak for a long period of time. My fault, not hers. I know she wanted the best for me and as the old saying goes ... Mother knows best.

March 25th will be one year since the most important woman in my life exited this world and entered eternal life with her Lord and Savior. She was reunited with her loved ones. I miss her and will always have an empty space that only she can fill.


~Crystal~ said...

I'm sitting here crying. I know it's hard. I can't imagine or try not to think about losing my Mom. Big hugs Mia.

Leland Presley said...

Your Mama was a tough, stubborn, funny lady...and that made us fall in love with her. She was one of my Mama's best friends, and that is an honor held by very few people. We still talk about things she said or did, and laugh our heads off. She was someone so special to us, and it's for sure...she will always live on in our memories.

Frugal Darling said...

Anniversaries like this can be hard -- it just brings your loss sharply into focus. But what a blessing you were to your mother at the end, Mia. And what a gift to share that experience with her. Only those who have been there know what it means.

Something I like to do on anniversaries (my mother's birthday, mother's day, the day of her death) is to either do something she would have LOVED, like going out to her favorite restaurant! Or by planting something in the yard in her memory. It helps to take the rough edges off the day and makes me smile to think of her during happier times. My sister and I love going to her favorite Tex-Mex place and ordering her favorite dish. And, of course, we have to spill a little salsa on our shirt just like she always did. *hugs*

kelly said...

Hi Mia,
It's been awhile since I've been here.. I hope all is well with you and yours.. your entry brought tears to my eyes.. the loss of a loved one is never easy, especially your momma.. I see you being strong in more ways than you think.. I've missed reading your entries.. remember she will always live on in your heart... (hugs)

Warren Baldwin said...

Sorry for your continued sense of loss. I know it is hard. God bless.