Sunday, July 8, 2007

Dear Husband Of Mine ...

As you are most aware, your wife has a birthday in a couple of weeks. I know that you have probably been frantically going through the sales papers and catalogs in search of the perfect gift for your wife. And, if you haven't, shame on you!

Are you considering a piece of expensive jewelry?

Please, don't!

That is very sweet of you to consider but, do I really need another necklace, bracelet or pair of earrings? You know as well as I do, I only wear my wedding rings and a watch. The pieces of jewelry I occasionally adorn myself with is more than enough for practical little O me. Really.

Are you thinking of more candles? Again, that is sweet of you, for you know I love candles. You probably haven't noticed, but I have a plastic bin full of unused candles in the back of the closet. I have enough candles to light our world for six months if we should have a major power outage.

I have given this a lot of thought and carefully listed a few inexpensive things that I would LOVE for my birthday. Please remember while reading this list that I love you and I appreciate the little things. So, they are as follows:

1.) Do you remember that bag of "stuff" such as business cards, screws, bolts and nuts, and other various items I don't even know the name of, that I cleaned off of your night stand? Well, I would love it if you'd go through that stuff and decide what you want to keep and find an appropriate home for it. Throw out the rest.

2.) Take our darling son to work with you one day. That way, you'll be able to see for yourself how much you can accomplish with him there. Then, I want you to come home and remember that, next time you are tempted to ask me why I didn't get so-and-so done.

3.) A nap! (for me, not you)

4.) Give me possession of the remote control. And, promise not to get mad if I call you in the room to find it for me several times in one evening, even though, I should be the only one who knows where it is, because I'm the only one who uses the darn thing.

5.) The above request would only make sense if you gave me a night off to actually watch a TV program from beginning to end. So, I guess request #5 is, Let me have a night off from my duties and routine so I can watch TV.

6.) Could you take over my evening duties and routine on my birthday? They would include but are not limited to the following:

*prepare supper

*prepare all three dinner plates and drinks then, set them on the table

*make Stephen stop whatever he is doing so he can come to the table and eat.

*help him wash his hands

*help Stephen with the more difficult food items which require a spoon or a fork, etc. while your food gets cold.

*Oops! Did you forget to say grace?

*clean kitchen and put leftovers in the fridge.

*stop what you're doing to get Stephen out of whatever he's gotten into. he may need to go to the bathroom and will need your help. OR you might need to change a diaper.

*give Stephen his evening medication with a cup of pudding or apple sauce before getting him ready for bed

*I would say "give him his bath," but you are already a doll and do that half the time anyway (thank you, sweetie!)

*help him brush his teeth

*let him pick out a book to read before bedtime. If it is a coloring book, get the crayons and help him color a page, then read or make up a story.

*say his prayers with him

*if it isn't too late, let him choose a movie to put in the DVD player so he won't keep getting up and coming in the laundry room while you're folding the laundry

*fold the laundry

*give the kitchen a once over

*pick things up in den and put them in their place.

*If it is a school night, pack Stephen's lunch and put it in the fridge. Wait! LoL, it's summer, you can skip this one.

*make my coffee for the next morning. I know you don't need coffee to wake up but perhaps after today, you will.

7.) After Stephen is (finally) asleep, talk to me. This means, no watching TV while you yeah-yeah me either! Really, talk to me.  (remember, this conversation may be the only adult conversation one of us has had today)

8.) While we're talking, it'd be a good time to get out the paperwork and plan a budget together. I'd really like to show you where our money is going and I'd like for you to decide with me what to cut out in order to save more for our/Stephen's future.

9) Give me your ATM card.

10.) Before you go to sleep, could you rub my back?


Do you think the hubby would be offended if I seriously printed this list and gave it to him?