I've been putting off this update for two good reasons.
Reason #1 - I don't feel good. I haven't felt good in weeks. (years, really)
Reason #2 - I've been waiting for something good to journal about.
Something good did actually happen. Last week was my son's prom at the center. I took some pain meds and forced myself to go and I'm glad I did. It lifted my spirits to see how happy the children were! I have uploaded the photos and will try to post them soon. So stay tuned!
OK, I'm ready to talk about this. Friends, I've been sick. I've been sick for 6 years. I've been tested and tested and tested. Then, tested some more. I was beginning to think I was losing my mind. I've had so much wrong with my stomach for soooo long, it feels as though I've been beaten and kicked in the stomach and back. Three weeks ago I seemed to get worse over night. All of a sudden, I just couldn't take it anymore. The pain became so intense. I became so depressed, I almost shut down. If I have any friends in my offline life reading this, I apologize for not answering my phone and returning your calls. I have only been returning business calls and only because I have to for the sake of the business. I don't want to talk about it, but I feel that I can write about it. Make sense? I don't know if I'm depressed because I'm so sick or if I'm sick because I am so depressed. I realize the two go hand-in-hand. I think it's possible that after more than 14 years of being primary caregiver, I simply wore myself out. I probably made myself sick by neglecting myself. The hubs wasn't as supportive as I would have liked. Telling me I wouldn't be in this shape if I had taken better care of myself, blah-blah-blah. That's nice. Yet, I know he has a point. But would it kill him to be a little supportive? There's nothing worse than being sick and feeling like you're being punished for it. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm the type who thinks everything is my fault anyway. After hearing that, I only stated this fact: "Yep, you're right. For more than 14 years I've been putting everyone else's needs before my own." Enough of me being the Martyr. My son needs me to take care of myself so I can take care of him. Right now, his needs are the only ones that matter. I've learned that no one is going to love and take care of him like I do so I have to live forever. That's all there is to it.
So I finally broke down and went to our family doctor on Wednesday and after he poked around my stomach and back he's about 99% sure it's my gall bladder. Inflammation would explain the fever I've been having. When it's flared up over the last six years, I would have unexplainable fever, flu-like symptoms and pain. It had actually gotten a lot better and then came back with a vengeance. I'm going Monday to the diagnostic center for tests. As usual, I have bad timing. Our spring break begins on Monday. I have no one to watch Stephen except my poor mama who is doing worse than I am. God bless her, she volunteered to watch him. It's the busy season for my husband, being he's in the construction field. If he isn't on a job site, he's having to work in the fab shop.
I feel like I'm rambling here so I'll wrap this up. My friend Beth told me to try to schedule the surgery (that is if I need the old gall bladder removed) for a Friday so she can spend the weekend with me and help with Stephen. She took an enormous amount of weight off my shoulders by offering to do that. The doc says I should be able to return to work by Tuesday and my mama says that she'll get daddy to bring her over on Monday to help get Stephen ready for school, cook supper and pamper her baby. (awww, that makes me tear up)
So maybe next week I'll finally know what's wrong with my stomach after all these years. I was diagnosed with IBS four years ago. I think that's the label they give you when they don't know what's wrong with your tummy. I've had my gall bladder tested twice and all was okay. But, that was four years ago. To spare you from more of this rambling, I'll go for now.
Y'all take care and I'll upload those photos soon.